It's all a dream - random ramblings

12/25 Merry Christmas!

12/23 - Who ever it was that said you can never go home again was lying. I am currently back home for the holidays in the frozen tundra known as Indiana. Every year I leave the warmth of Southern California to spend Christmas in a place where the food in the refrigerator is warmer than I am. Why do I choose to spend my holiday in a state size freezer you ask...Well I've been informed that Santa Claus will not deliver my presents to California and I'm hoping to get some good toys and DVD's this year. I've been good...really :)

12/18 - The spiders are after me again and this time I have proof. This photo of a spider waiting menacingly by the bathroom door was taken moments before its sudden and tragic death. The spiders that wander into my apartment are always up to no good. They scurry in and out of sight before I can kill them and every once and a while they bite me in my sleep. Never once have I woken up with spider strength or the ability to walk up walls.

12/13 - So, someone told me that there is this new movie coming out next week. It's a little film, maybe you've heard about it. It's called Lord of the Rings and he is very upset that I have not talked a lick about it yet.

I have been avoiding talking or thinking about the movie on purpose. I know that if I do my imagination will start churning out what I think the film should look like and I will have unrealistically high expectations for the movie. This happened with another little movie called Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone.

What I imagined in my head when reading the books was so much cooler then what the movie ended up looking like. Maybe in actuality the movie wasn't that bad, everybody else seems to have liked it. Or maybe I was right all along in assuming that nothing good comes out of Chris Columbus (the director) who brought us such fine films as Home Alone and Mrs Doubtfire.

So, until December 19 I plan to set here blissfully ignorant and in denial that a Lord of the Rings movie is coming out. Then I will be able to see the movie without any high expectations and will be able to enjoy it for what it is and not loathe it for what it could have been.

12/12 - Bah Humbug!
I think the post office stole my Christmas presents. I mailed them out last Tuesday via priority mail and they still haven't arrived at their destination. If anyone reading this works for the post office - GIVE ME MY PACKAGE BACK!!!!!!!

12/7 - Mid seventies and a bright blue sunny sky - that's what the weather should always be like in December. Gotta love California! Of course the only downfall is that the wind is blowing 80 mph. Not at all good for flying my Jean Luc Picard and Data kite.

11/28 - Southern California is truly an odd place. I went to the mall last night, which is a much more enjoyable experience when you're doped up on cold medicine. They have what at first glance looks like the traditional Santa Claus/North Pole exhibit in the center of the mall. But when I actually got close to the display I noticed that the live Santa and all his stuffed Reindeer were sporting shorts and Hawaiian t-shirts. It was all a bit odd, but it was the teenaged boy doing his Christmas shopping dressed as a cow with a giant plastic utter on his front that made me question whether the whole experience was some kind of drug induced hallucination. The fact that I ended up heading home with a copy of the Tomb Raider DVD makes me believe that they should put "may impair movie buying decisions" as one of the warnings on cold medication. At least I didn't actually pay for it I traded a couple old DVDs for it at Electronic Boutique. I always have this naive hope that movies will be better on DVD than they were in the theater. When Jurassic Park III comes out I plan on buying it on the chance that this will be a "special edition" DVD where Tea Leoni gets eaten by a Veloci-Rapter.

11/27 - Being sick really sucks! I have caught the uncommon cold!

11/19 - Spoon! I got a chance to meet Patrick Warburton and Ben Edlund, creator of The Tick, yesterday at the Shrine in LA. It was a good convention chalked full of insightful questions like "How do you go the bathroom in the Tick suit?" The answer, of course, is that Patrick doesn't go to the bathroom IN the Tick suit.

11/15 - Woohoo! It's been 48 hours after eating the questionable food in my refrigerator and I'm still alive! So either the food wasn't really bad or my drinking of Diet Coke for many years has made me impervious to viruses and bacteria that would have killed a mere mortal. It's true. Everyone else in my office eats "good for you" organic food and other all natural things and they are sick all the time. Meanwhile I drink Diet Coke and eat Pop Tarts and I very rarely get sick. In fact I'm going to get a fresh Diet Coke right now.

11/13 - I spent last night home alone sitting in the dark. What fun. The power was out from before I got home until 6:38 the next morning. I would have left and gone to see a movie except I didn't think the power was going to be out so long. Now I'm just wondering if the food in my refrigerator has gone bad or not. My refrigerator is not the greatest to begin with so I'm doubting my food was kept cool for 13 hours. But I went ahead and ate some of it for lunch today. It smelled okay, but I guess I will see how I feel tomorrow. So if I don't write for a couple days I'm probably dead from food poisoning.

11/12 - Well, I'm hit with a momentary absence of ideas for my action figure theater. Anyone got any ideas?
Here's the second and longer trailer for Star Wars II Attack of the Clones. Anakin IS evil.

11/6 - Why did the Death Star have to go around Yavin to destroy the rebel base? That's always bothered me. Why didn't they just destroy the planet? Yes, I've been watching Star Wars again. It was one television a couple days ago and I felt compelled to watch it (even though I own two different versions of it on VHS). Then, of course, I had to watch The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi as well.
Have you seen the new Star Wars II Attack of the Clones trailer? Looks pretty cool.

11/1 - I'm bummed today. I did not get one single trick or treater last night. I had good candy, a carved pumpkin and everything!

10/31 -

10/30 - Woohoo! It's pumpkin carving time! I carved mine last night and now my apartment smells like pumpkin guts. It's really kinda gross.

10/24 - I went to Disneyland last Friday. They completely changed the Haunted Mansion, it is so cool now. They made it up just like 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'! There is a big Jack Skellington with his coffin sleigh at the entrance. I highly recommend going to see if you live in So. Cal.

10/16 - Happy Star Wars: the Phantom Menace on DVD Day! I am, of course, heading out at lunch to pick up my very own copy.

10/9 - Well, it's official - nail clippers, disposable razors and umbrellas are no longer considered a national security threat and can now be taken on airplanes in your carry-on luggage. I understand that people are a little on edge but come on, do you really think outlawing butter knives at airport restaurants is something that is going to stop terrorism?

And now for something completely different... It's official: "Jedi Knight" is ON the list of religions for the 2001 UK census.

10/1 - Are we having fun yet...

I dropped my car off at the body shop this morning. I then proceeded to Enterprise Car Rental to acquire a vehicle that had been pre-arranged by the Insurance people. At first everything seemed in order, they had all my personal and insurance information in their computer system. I should have been all set right? Wrong! I had to fill out this huge sheet with information that they already had in their computer system. Then even though they had all my information from the Insurance agency, the credit card (cause I had to put down a deposit) and from me filling in the huge form, they needed to call one of my "references" to verify the phone number I listed was correct. WTF! So they called my co-worker who doesn't know what my home phone number is. So she put them on hold and looked it up in the phone book and verified it that way. What a pain in the butt! So now I'm driving around in an oh-so-stylish Dodge Stratus. Luckily the window are tinted so you can't really see that it's me driving it.

9/26 - It's not easy being green...

There I was sitting at a stop sign in my little green Honda waiting patiently to make a left turn when all of a sudden right in front of me a cadillac turns into the path of an on coming Mercedes M Class SUV. The Mercedes plows into the side of the Caddy and both cars come sliding into my poor little Honda. Luckily no one was seriously injured, the passenger of the Mercedes was taken to the hospital. Her husband said she just had a boob job so I imagine the airbag hitting her didn't feel real good. My car had the least amount of damage with only the front bumper needing to be fixed. The other cars had to be towed away. And most importantly my Deep Space Nine Bajoran Sector license plate cover was unharmed, because you just can't get those anymore.

9/25 - I finally did it, I gave in and got a cell phone. I'm pretty sure I was one of a select few southern Californians who didn't have a cell phone. I got one of those prepaid deals. Basically every three months I pay $25 and get 71 minutes of air time which is fine for me because I don't really have much of a need for a cell phone. I got it mainly for emergency use - if I get stuck on the freeway or something like that. The local calling area is pretty large encompassing all of southern California including San Diego.

9/15 - Madonna! Madonna! I went to see Madonna's last show in LA at the Staples Center. It was nice to take a break from concentrating on the weeks events. The show was great and my view from the 24th row wasn't too bad. There were a few other celebrities watching the show. I saw Sara Gilbert, Jenna Elfman, Jack Nicholson, Lara Flynn Boyle and David Hasselhoff. I wish I would have taken my digital camera with me. I didn't because I figured that security would be tight after the week events. It wasn't, I walked in without being patted down or having the metal detecter used. I think about half the people there brought in a camera.

9/14 - The Dentist IV: A New Hope

Success at last! Went into the dentist and requested that before they even think about touching my mouth I want a super sized shot of the numbing stuff. Then with my mouth good and numb they proceeded to put on the new crown and to my surprise it fit perfectly. Who would have thought it.

9/13 - I have not written anything this week because I have not been sure quite what to say. I mourn the people who lost their lives and feel for their families. I also mourn what will surely be the loss of some of our civil liberties that we have always taken for granted.

9/5 - The Dentist III: The Crown Strikes Back

There's nothing quite like the feeling of someone poking the tender flesh around your tooth with a sharp metal object. Although that pain is nothing compared to the feeling of someone shoving a crown full of cold cement on your un-numbed, overly sensitive tooth. Uh, Oh...then try having that crown set-up crooked on that overly sensitive tooth and have to have it cut off and have yet another mold taken of your tooth. That's right I am now on my third attempt at getting a crown put on my lower back tooth. It's been a less than fun experience. If they crown does not work next time I'm going to leave the temporary silver one on and ask for my money back...grrrr.

8/29 - I'm feeling defiant today. It's time to challenge the system, rock the boat, shake things up a little. Ever since that guy won 3 billion dollars suing the tobacco companies it started me thinking. Now a day everybody knows that smoking and second hand smoke is bad for you and it can kill you. So I think I should be able to sue any person who sits next to me at a concert, restaurant or any where else that lights up a cigarette and starts smoking for attempted murder. That person is knowingly and consciously causing me harm. The charge should be criminal negligence at the very least.

It's not that I hate smokers or even that I think they should quit. If people want to smoke that's fine with me. I just think it's hypocritical for smokers to sue the tobacco companies for getting them addicted to something that slowly kills them and then not think or care about the people that they themselves are slowly killing everyday when they make the choice to light up around other people.

8/28 - The Dentist II: Revenge of the Crown

I went back to the dentist today to get my permanent crown or at least that's what I thought was going to happen. It turns out that they made the crown too big to fit in my mouth. It fit over my tooth fine but I couldn't shut my mouth all the way. So, I had to repeat the whole bloody process from two weeks ago...[sarcasm]yippie![/sarcasm] They grinded a little more off the top of my tooth and took a new mold. Now I get to go back in next week and see if the new crown fits. I can hardly wait.

8/21 - Jean Luc and I ventured to Las Vegas for the weekend. I'd never been to Las Vegas before. It's an interesting place. First the bad: Someone really should have warned me that it is like 20 degrees inside the hotel and 200 degrees outside. Also driving down the strip is like sitting in your garage for 40 minutes with your engine running and the heater on. You get nowhere fast and you inhale enough car fumes to get dizzy. Now the good: I went to the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton. Highly recommended if you are a Star Trek fan, be sure to eat at Quark's while you're there. The pirate show at Treasure Island is cool and the buildings are neat to look at. More bad: The pirate show at looking at buildings are the only things you can do that don't cost an arm and a leg.

8/16 - Well, someone emailed me and accused me of blatantly ripping off ToyFare magazine. I prefer to use the term "inspired" by ToyFare magazine. Yes, it is due to their influence that I started my Action Figure Theater, but they do not hold the monopoly on liking to play with toys. So, get over it.

For people that have never heard of Toyfare I highly recommend subscribing to it if you really like toys. It is the best magazine out there in my opinion.

8/15 - I think Britney Spears is stalking me. Every time I turn on the TV on the morning of weekends there she is. Her and that stupid Pepsi commercial. Ba...Ba...Ba.Ba....Those are the only words I understand in her little Pepsi song. Why can't I just watch Pokemon in peace? I want a restraining order.

8/7 - Everybody hurts, sometimes...
My trip to the dentist for a crown. The first they do is stick three huge needles in your mouth. The first and the second don't hurt much but I'm pretty sure they shove the third one all the way through your cheek. Then you set there listening to lite hits radio. La, la, la oh that song was the Backstreet Boys..they're pretty good. It's at that point they know you're numb enough to start drilling.

The drilling begins. They stick all sorts of tools in your mouth, water, suction, something to keep your tongue from accidently getting drilled. Hmmmm, what's that burning smell......oh, it's just me. Now, it's time to stick gauze in your mouth for a while. They tell you it's to keep the tooth dry while they prepare the playdough to put in your mouth, you don't believe them.

The gauze is out and the playdough in for 10 minutes. Playdough comes out with a nice impression of what used to be your tooth in it. More gauze, by this point you're getting suspicious, there is a funny taste in your mouth. Now it's time to shove the temporary crown on your tooth...whether it wants to fit or not. Yeah! You're done! The dentist inconspicuously tells you to rinse out your mouth before you go. You head over to the faucet, swish some water around in your mouth and spit it out. Hay! There's brown water coming out of my mouth! What's going on here? It's blood! Now all the gauze makes sense.

Now it's time to stumble up to the counter and pay a large sum for all this pain that has been inflicted on you in the last two hours. You drive home, mouth still bleeding knowing that in two weeks you get to come back and get the permanent crown.

7/30 - I have run into so many Star Trek fans and other "collectors" who don't open any of their toys. Do they not know the fun they are missing out on? How else could you discover that Barbie and Jean Luc wear the same dress size!

I'm not a toy "collector". I tried it once but it didn't last long. I couldn't resist opening up all the figures and seeing what kind of awkward positions I can bend them into. Some of the toys now are so articulated that you would be a fool not to open them. Just about everything on the Spiderman and Gundam Wing figures moves. Come on people stop collecting and start playing with your toys!

7/24 - I saw Albert Einstein at the bank today. He looked really good for someone who died in 1955. He was busy talking to someone about his personal banking strategy. I wanted to go over and start asking him questions I really need answered. I'm sure he could tell me why Liberia is so obsessed with making U.S. commemorative coins. Every week there is a new commercial for a different coin. This week is a $10 Statue of Liberty hologram coin. They say it's real U.S. currency but I doubt I could use it to buy a Big Mac at McDonalds. Not that I need to buy Big Mac's at McDonalds anymore, they give me a coupon for a free one every time I go through the drive thru. They have this promotion going where if it takes longer than 30 seconds to go through the drive thru to get your food you get a free Big Mac. I go through and order a Diet Coke, get my free Big Mac coupon and then walk inside to get the Big Mac.

7/20 - Today was Comic-Con day! So many toys and so little time....and money. I actually won a toy in a drawing at one of the booths this year. The nice people over at Entertainment Earth let me pick the Spawn toy of my choice. I picked the Lotus Angel Warrior inaction figure. She doesn't move but she looks really cool. The only weird thing is she comes with an accessory weapon (...once again really cool looking) but the swords she is already holding are permanently attached to her, so she can never actually hold the other weapon.

7/16 - I have so many things to rant about today, let's see where to start..... I was going to see Final Fantasy today but discovered the theater raised there matinee price to $6.00! I refuse to pay $6.00 to a theater when I know there is a 75% chance that the movie is going to be out of focus and there are going to be scratches and dust on the film. I have yet to figure out how a movie theater can have a reel for a day and put so many scratches on it. So instead of watching the movie I ventured over to Toys R Us, which leads me to rant number two.

Toys are getting fricking expensive. The Tomb Raider actionless figures are 9 bucks a piece, the Planet of the Apes and Final Fantasy figures and 10 bucks each, Star Wars figures are still $7-$8 even though they took out the comtech chips. Everything is too expensive and you keep getting less and less for your money. I ended up getting a Pokemon Togepi for a budget $2.97.

Lastly, I think North Dakota should pick up a corporate sponsor and rename itself "Coca Cola presents Dakota".

7/5 - I went to get the oil changed in my car today. I always forget to bring a book with me so I just end up staring at the wall for an hour until my car's ready. I do this to try to avoid making eye contact with the other scary people that are also waiting in car purgatory, but sometimes it doesn't work and some overly perky person will come over and start talking to me anyway. That's when I realize I need to start carrying a copy of Helter Skelter and a highlighter with me at all times. Then when I'm waiting for my car I can just sit down with my book and feverishly highlight every line while muttering "yeah..that's a good idea" to myself. No one will bother me then.

6/25 - I'm going to sue Levi's Jeans. I believe that I have been permanently scarred by their singing bellybutton commercials. Between those and the AT&T commercials with Carrot Top I'm going to need years of therapy to reverse the damage. It was bad enough when Cingular bought up all the advertising time on TV to play their commercials none stop. Atleast their commercials were just annoying, not nightmare inducing.

6/13 - I think I've been watching the Discovery Channel too much recently. They had this show about how to be a surviver in different situations. There were some really good tips on the show. They explained what to do if your car becomes submerged in water or you're caught in a flash flood. They also recommended that if you plan on going out in the ocean or the wilderness that you always go with someone else. Which I think is really good survival advice. Basically you don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the person you're with.

6/7 - I saw the new Tomb Raider action figures in KayBee last night. They look really cool but they're not really "action" figures. I think there were a whopping 4 joints on the figure. That doesn't really imply a lot of "action" is possible.

6/1 - Help me Obi Wan Kenobi.....you're my only hope.
While I was watching Star Wars for the umptenth time last night I came to a startling realization. I started thinking about how many times I have watched the Star Wars movies. I have not really kept track but I would conservatively say I have watched each movie 100 times and Episode 1 about 50 times. That's over 700 hours. That's like spending an entire month of my life watching Star Wars 24 hours a day. Cool.

5/26 - Driving in LA is like one of those Drivers Ed films where everything that can possibly happen does. Cars darting in front of you out of nowhere, traffic going 80 mph suddenly coming to a dead stop in 2.3 seconds, people driving in the wrong lane. At any moment you expect the hood of your car to fly up for no apparent reason thus obstructing your view of oncoming traffic.
The thing they didn't teach you about in drivers ed is the "cling-ons." Those cars that become magically stuck to you. you can go fast or slow it doesn't matter, the car just hangs beside or behind and matches your speed. You try to loose them by passing other cars and hoping they'll get stuck on them instead of you. It makes you wish you where in a bumper car and could just ram people out of your way.

5/24 - I dyed my hair blue a couple weeks ago. Having blue hair is fun. Little kids are always amazed and ask how my hair got to be blue. I tell them it's because I drank a lot of blue Kool-Aid. They believe me :-)
The only drawn back to having blue hair is that the color fades rather quickly. My hair color is much more Aqua colored now than blue. In a couple more weeks it will probably be mint green.

5/17 - I knew it! I knew it! They are after me!
I received a mysterious package in the mail today. I wasn't expecting a package. I opened up the box and there they were staring up at me with those beady little demonic eyes. Aghhhhh! They found me! They found me! Somehow they have escaped the Targets and Kmarts that once imprisoned them and now they are after me. They're watching me and they know where I live! Be gone evil Peeps!!

5/15 - Is it just around here or do all radio stations only play 80's music between noon and 1pm? Every weekday nothing to listen to but stupid 80's music. I can't take it anymore.

5/8 - You're unforgiven so go on living knowing that I've unforgiven you, and my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.
I went all the way to the Wherehouse across from the Beverly Center to go see the Go-Go's last night. The show was fun and I was having a good time until it came time to get autographs. We were standing in line for 10-15 minutes waiting for things to get set up for the autographs. I was starving and decided get a Jamba Juice since the shop was only 20 feet away. I walked over and ordered my drink, the line started moving before they were done making it so I told them I would be back in 10 minutes to pick it up and ran outside. I ran to my place in line (only 15 feet away from Jamba Juice now) l looked down at my camera bag, where I was carrying photos my sister sent me to have the Go-Go's sign and they where gone. I had them when I was in Jamba Juice. They were not laying on the ground anywhere between the two places. I remember being bumped by a homeless guy begging for change on the way out of Jamba Juice. The f**cking homeless guy stole my photos!!!!! It took me like 5 seconds to realize they and the guy were gone. I was so pissed!!! The pictures have absolutely no value to anyone but me and my sister, why would someone want to steal them?!?! People suck and this is exactly the reason I will never give a dime to beggars.

4/28 - I am not a violent person, but today pushed me to the limits. I spent the day thinking of ways to inflict pain on someone using a toothbrush. "Why a toothbrush?" you may ask. Well, let me tell you.

I woke up this morning and hopped in the shower just like every other morning. After a few moment I discovered the shower water was not going down the drain as it should. I soon learned that the other apartments around me were having the same problem and that a plumber had been called. Not wanting to see what my Dad refers to as the "plumbers smile", I left my apartment just as the plumbers arrived at my neighbors. I return three hours later to find the plumbers had indeed visited my apartment and left things a mess. I went into the bathroom to little black chunks of stuff that comes out of pipes all over the floor. Then I notice that the items usually kept on my counter top are mysteriously missing. I then look under my sink to find that all my bathroom stuff had been thrown in there after they were finished. That's when I saw it.

My poor little toothbrush was laying knocked over on the floor next to a piece of black stuff. Black stuff that come from the drainage pipes. Drainage pipes that eventually lead down to the sewers where huge mutant alligators live and eat city workers. How could they do this to my toothbrush!!!! I could live with the mess they left in my bathroom and my kitchen (apparently they discovered that the magic portal to the blocked main was through my kitchen sink), but soiling my toothbrush is unacceptable.

4/24 - Windows NT Haiku

I have a Zip drive
But Windows can not see it
It was there before

Windows NT decided not to see my USB Zip drive anymore. It was there yesterday, but not today. I can see the drive in the start up and in DOS, but not in Windows. Is Windows playing games with my mind? Tomorrow will my Zip drive come back on its own? Maybe it's a built in feature in Windows that forces to upgrade every six months. Maybe it's holding my Zip drive hostage. Should I be expecting a email from Windows NT with a list of demands? Upgrade your processor and service pack or you will NEVER see your Zip drive again!! Bwahahaaa!

4/18 - I was almost attacked by a spider today. It was hiding stealthfully underneath my Darth Maul speeder bike, just waiting for the right time to attack me. It's a good thing my Gundam Wing Netaku was close by to crush the spider.
Spiders are always trying to attack me. Usually they hide on top of my monitor and wait for just the right time to start crawling across my screen. I've even had a spider come out of my keyboard and threaten me. I keep squashing the spider, but they always come back.

4/12 - I have a problem....a peep problem. This time of year they are everywhere. Hundreds of them watching me wherever I go, there's no escape. I know that lots of people like peeps and think they are tasty and cute. I do not. I believe that peeps are evil. Just look at them in their beady little eyes. Peeps are so evil and tricky you can't even tell what they are supposed to be. Are they chickens or ducks...or are they just trying to confuse you into doing their evil bidding. I'll be happy when Easter is over so I can be free of the Peeps evil reign.

4/11 - I have DSL! I have DSL! Actually, I got it last week but haven't been able to play with it much. A word of advise, don't try to play Quake online if you're feeling sick. It's not a good thing.
Now I have an incredible urge to download things just because it so much faster to do so now. I think I'll go download some mp3's right now. I love the internet! :-)

4/9 - I hate being sick. I was sick most of last week. Nothing to do but watch daytime TV. Actually, I think watching daytime TV made me feel sicker than I really was. I'm sure Judge Wappner's animal court would induce vomiting even in a perfectly healthy person.

4/2 - I went to the big Star Trek convention in Pasadena on Sunday. I was upset that no one dressed up as the Enterprise this year. At a convention several years ago a 60ish year old women come all dressed in gold, her face painted gold and she was wearing a big brimmed hat with NCC-1701 on the side. She told me she was the Enterprise.
It seems like all the conventions that are held around California are put on by Creation Entertainment (aka Satans helper). I hate Creation Entertainment. They used to be okay, but now they are just a bunch of money hungry, power tripping, red shirted ensigns who wouldn't make it 5 seconds on an away mission.

3/29 - My trip to Disney's California Adventure. I just had to see what a Disney-fied version of California looked like. The park is split up in the following sections: Paradise Pier, Golden State, Hollywood Pictures Backlot, and Sunshine Plaza. I don't know how they could possibly forget to add a Gangsters' Hood or Castros' Leather Den section. They didn't even have any transsexual hookers in the Hollywood Pictures Backlot. Maybe they'll make those addition in the future.

3/26 - I would like to thank the Academy for finally airing the Oscars somewhat live for us west coast people. I never understood why they tape delayed the Oscars on the west coast. I'm still somewhat in disbelief that they were over by 8:30 pm. This is the first year that I made it through the entire show without falling asleep.
My favorite moment of the evening is a tie between Bjork's dead swan dress and Julia Robert's stating "I have a television, so I'm going to spend some time here to tell you some things."

3/20 - I went to a movie screening last night. I love going to the screening, it's my chance to warp the movie industry around what I want. The only downside to going to the screening is watching the movie with the other 300 idiots they dragged off the street. The lady I was sitting next to insisted on talking throughout the entire movie. Having to listening to the constant chatter is bad enough, but she was also asking stupid question about the movie. The movie centered around several jousting tournaments. The woman just couldn't grasp the concept of why they were jousting. She also did not catch on to why people around her were laughing when they introduced a character named Chaucer who was a writer. Geez....read a book people!

3/15 - I'm listening to Metallica's "I Disappear" right now. Shhhhhh...don't tell anyone, but I downloaded it off of Napster. I not a big Metallica fan, but I just had to download the song since it pisses them off so much. If it makes them feel any better I will be deleting their song after 24 hours :)

3/9 - I took my car into the Honda dealership to get an oil change. I used to go to Jiffy Lube but they suck and they raised their prices. $29.00 is too much to pay for an oil change. They try to justify their price by their "Signature Service." I have never been to a Jiffy Lube that does everything they are supposed to do as part of their Signature Service. Usually they just wash your windows (poorly), vacuum your carpet (poorly), and then sometimes check your tires pressure (forgetting to screw back on one of your stem valve caps). They are supposed to check all your fluids and hoses but don't. If you call them on it they just get really pissy about it.

3/6 - Did you know they are making a live action Scooby Doo movie? Please tell me there is a special circle of hell reserved for major studio executives that come up with these ideas. Why do they have to ruin my favorite childhood cartoon? And why do they keep letting Freddie Prinze Jr. be in movies?

Freddie Prinze Jr., Linda Cardellini, Matthew Lillard and Sarah Michelle Gellar

3/5 - Another day in rainy Southern California. This weekend was filled with great disappointments. I woke up on Saturday, excited to see that it was not raining, and ran out to an empty field to launch my R2D2 rocket. I had him all set up and ready to go, pushed the launch button and nothing happened. This was the second attempt at launching R2D2 into the sky. I think R2 is somehow sabotaging the rocket or maybe droids just weren't meant to fly.
After the rocket mishap I decided that it was time to take the 10,000 Diet Coke cans that were in my kitchen to recycling. I got there, shoved all my cans in the little automated can counter thingy and collected my $3.18. As I was exiting the store I was immediately mugged by a wild pack of Girl Scouts. I don't remember exactly what happened next, but when I woke up my $3.00 were gone and I was holding a box of Peanut Butter cookies.

2/28 - Okay, it's all fun and games until someone get an eye out! I have been hit by the California energy crisis! For months now I've been laughing at the people in Northern California and their rolling blackouts, thinking that I was immune to the energy crisis. But no, the most horrible thing has happened!
Toys R Us is now closing an hour earlier due to the energy crisis. I went there all carefree and happy last night, arriving at 7:55 only to find out that they close at 8:00! That's not hardly enough time to find the perfect Power Puff Girls toy. Damn you energy crisis!

2/26 - I love watching movies but I'm starting to hate going to movie theaters. The movie theaters near me just suck! I tried to watch "Monkeybone" this weekend and ending up asking for my money back and leaving. If anyone else saw this movie this weekend maybe you wanted to leave too. I didn't leave because the movie sucked. What was the problem then? The freakin' movie was out of focus the entire time!!!!!!! And this isn't the first time this has happened to me. Are all the projector operators so myopic that can't tell it's out of focus!!
I'm sure that many of you are wondering why I just don't get up and tell someone to focus the movie. I have done that on some occasions, but I really hate missing 5-10 minutes of a movie I paid $7 to see because the people at the theater don't care if they do their job right.

2/22 - I watched the Grammy's last night. Three hours of my life wasted, that I'll never get back. Even the pre-Grammy show was awful. You wouldn't think that they could screw up the red carpet interviews, but they did. Who in the world thought that Tony Danza would be a good choice to interview people going into the awards?!? And who the hell were those other three annoying women? They make me look forward to seeing Joan River's interview people at the Oscar's. That's scary!
The actual Grammy's started off okay with Madonna's performance of Music. The rest of the show went downhill from there. Too many commercials, lost and clueless presenters, and Jon Stewart looking like he wished he wasn't there. I can't believe I choose to watch this over Voyager.

2/15 - I rented the movie "Pitch Black" last night. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen but it does rank down on the list. The general premise is that a space ship crash lands on a planet that is light for 22 days or years (they didn't make that real clear) and then dark for a really long time. The survivors of the crash soon discover that there are very nasty creatures that live on the planet and only come out when it's dark. So they inevitably wait till it's dark before they put a lot of effort into trying to leave the planet by fixing up another space ship that they conveniently found.
The first 8 minutes of the movie are filmed in what I can only describe as "jiggle vision" and was hard to watch. After the jiggle vision crash of the space ship we find ourselves marooned on the planet of overexposure and edgy camera shots. I spent most of the movie eagerly waiting for the annoying character to be eaten by the monsters.

2/8 - I just finished taking an online I.Q. test. I need to improve my math skills a little because the test said that 13% of the population is smarter than me. If I only knew the answer to "Two cars facing each other at opposite ends of a straight road travel for 6 miles, turn left then travel for 8 more miles. How far apart are the cars?" I could climb up another 2%. Actually, I would have done much better if they would have included some Star Wars trivia questions on the test. Star Wars trivia knowledge is the sign of true genius, after all.

2/2 - Yahoo included my site in their directory today. This is the description of my site they came up with "enjoy sightseeing with Jean Luc Picard and questionable activity in the action figure theater." heehee....questionable activity. I love the description, I'm just wondering which activities they thought were questionable :-)

1/29 - I came up with a new reason why I shouldn't work out or exercise. Have you ever seen people after they stop working out? All the muscle that they had turns into soft pudgy fat! If you don't believe me look at Hulk Hogan and Rutger Hauer. You stop exercising and you end up being fatter than you were before you started.

1/25 - Someone emailed me the other day wanting to know if I heard voices. I do sometimes hear voices, but I pretty sure that it's just my neighbors. At least, I hope it's them I hear. I been living in my apartment for about three years and I have never seen the people that live above or beside me. Doesn't that seem odd? You'd think once during that time we would have bumped into each other getting the mail, doing laundry...something stupid like that. Maybe I really don't have neighbors and I am just hearing voices.

1/24 - My co-worker saw my site and now he has this silly idea that I want to kill him. I don't know how he got that idea. I tried to tell him that I have no interest in killing him, but he's all paranoid now. I would feel bad, but I'm having too much fun with his paranoia, making him second guess things....."Are you sure you want to drink that open bottle of Yoohoo in the fridge?"

1/22 - I went to the Flea Market this weekend and this guy was selling dental tools. So I bought a set for $5.00. The set included one of those little round mirrors on a stick and two pokey, prodding instruments. I figure I just saved myself from having to go to the Dentist twice a year for those "cleanings". Now I can do everything they do to "clean" my teeth. All they do is pick at them with the pockey instrument, floss them and them grind polish into them. The only thing I'm lacking is the polish and I don't think that my teeth really need polished anyway.

1/20 - My friend has a cool website magickalworlds.com. It's a fairy website. She really likes fairies. I like faeries too. I was riding my bike really fast down a hill one day and accidently swallowed one. Ever since then I can't get enough of them. They are best when lightly breaded and accompanied by a glass of red wine.

1/10 - Not too much going on today. It was a really weird morning though. The Rice Krispies I had for breakfast wouldn't stop talking to me. They just kept say "Snap, Krackle, Kill Your Co-Worker!" over and over. My electricity went out last night, maybe my milk went bad and tainted my Rice Krispies.